Mom locks her 19-year-old daughter’s $50,000 inheritance into a 5-year savings account to keep it safe from reckless purchases: ‘Her boyfriend was spending the money’

Hey, stop it! I see you judging this whole situation like anyone at nineteen was calmly dollar cost averaging their income. At that age most people would have turned fifty thousand into a best-of compilation of bad purchases and worse life decisions, so the odds are very high that this girl will eventually look back and realize her mother was the accountant of reason in a very loud, very messy chapter. For now though, like most teenagers handed both grief and a pile of cash, it is all grunting, yelling, and dramatic exits.

There is a sad kind of predictability to how it played out. Money arrives, boyfriend starts circling like a kid in a toy store, and big ticket items somehow jump to the front of the line before basics like tuition, rent, or any kind of safety cushion. The first chunk goes out the door on a truck and a four wheeler, and suddenly the parent who actually understands how quickly that well can run dry has to decide whether to watch the rest vanish or grab the brakes. Locking the remainder in a five-year account without warning is blunt, but it is also the only move left that guarantees there will still be something there when the breakup dust settles.

Author image for Etai Eshet Etai Eshet
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  • 01

    AITA for taking my daughters inheritance and putting it into a 5 year saving account without talking to her first

    A younger woman leans forward in frustration while an older woman sits at the table rolling her eyes, clearly tired of the argument.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02
    Okay so I know the tittle sounds but but just let me explain the situation. I Female 50 have a daughter named E who's female 19.
    via Emmers514
  • 03
    In 2018 her father (my ex husband) passed away and left all the children life insurance policies that were to be paid out at the age of 18.
    via Emmers514
  • 04
    Due to some circumstance and life happening the payout didn't come to my daughter in question until she was 19.
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  • 05
    (I would like to add I did not take my son or other daughters inheritance but they are different ages and received theirs at different times) So basically the reason I'm asking if I am TA is because my daughter is currently going NC with me and I'm second guessing if I made the right choice.
    via Emmers514
  • 06
    Basically, she received the inheritance in the amount of about $50,000. Now, I want to add that she (at the time of this decision) was dating a man we will call Z male 23.
    via Emmers514
  • 07
    He was from what I could see and was told extremely controlling and borderline abusive, and she was head over heels for him (which is another story entirely).
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  • 08
    A younger woman stands over an older woman in shock and frustration, while the older woman looks exhausted and disengaged as she reads papers at the table.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    My concern began when they first received the check and immediately he was talking about what to do with the money, Example: buying a new truck, a new boat, a 4 wheeler, etc.
    via Emmers514
  • 10
    Here is where I'm asking if I was TA. I convinced my daughter to give me the check and deposit it into my personal account where I would then give her a certain amount each month to deposit into her personal account to make it last.
    via Emmers514
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  • 11
    I will be honest and say that I told her this was the only way to prevent her financial aid from being discredited and her having to pay for her college tuition out of pocket, so she signed the check over to me under the impression this agreement would last and I will be honest about that.
    via Emmers514
  • 12
    At some point, however I noticed that her boyfriend was spending the money on my ticket items such as a four wheeler and a new truck which costed roughly 15 K together.
    via Emmers514
  • 13
    I was very concerned with the spending habits and as a result, I took the remaining money and put it into a five- year savings account without speaking to my daughter first.
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  • 14
    I told her about it after the fact, and she was extremely angry with me and has gone no contact with me since.
    via Emmers514
  • 15
    I just want to know if I am the asshole or if I made the right decision, I'm seriously second- guessing myself, but I don't know what I can do to go back and fix it now if it was an asshole move, and if not, I don't know what to say it out.
    via Emmers514
  • 16
    Get my daughter to understand where I was coming from. All opinions are welcome and appreciated.
    via Emmers514
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  • From the outside it is easy to get precious about autonomy and timing. Inside the family, it is just one person refusing to stand by while a once in a lifetime gift gets eaten alive by someone else’s impulse control issues. Nobody in that trio is perfect, but the only one acting like the future matters is the parent who is willing to be hated today so her kid has options tomorrow.

  • 17
    pinkpink0430 YTA but you needed to be the asshole here. Sometimes we have to be the bad guy to protect the people we love. Hopefully she realizes he sucks and that you were looking out for her
    via Emmers514
  • 18
    National-Meringue721 Soft yta but as a 28 year old if I was doing this at 19 looking back now I would have appreciated my mom and she will too someday.
    via Emmers514
  • 19
    fzooey78 Justifiable asshole. Short term, you technically did her dirty. She should be allowed to piss away this golden opportunity. Im glad you're not letting her.
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  • 20
    Middle-Air-8469 YTA. But I would have done the same thing. Assholes unite!!! Her BF has no claim to her inheritance.
    via Emmers514
  • 21
    Puppylover10002 The replies here are insane! People are making statements like "she's 19, not 9". Like what 19 year old, especially one madly in love with an asshole, has any financial sense and wouldn't just blow the fifty grand on whatever boyfriend wanted? Maybe one or two out of a hundred. Not many. What's most likely going to happen when a 19 year old who didn't expect to get a chunk of money and has never been educated on how to handle it is that it'll attract people like asshole boyfriend
    via Emmers514
  • 22
    Anxious-Preference62 If you were my mum and did this, I'd definitely borderline hate you but thank you a few years down the line
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  • 23
    Ok-Somewhere7098 She will hate you today, but thank you at 25.
    via Emmers514
  • 24
    Suspicious-Yam2956 Soft YTA. She's an adult, and should be able to make her own decisions about her money. However, as a parent myself, I probably would want to do something similar if I were in your position. That said, I don't envy the position you're in. Best of luck repairing your relationship going forward.
    via Emmers514
  • 25
    Adelucas I know people who have had large sums of money in their late teens and have gone mental with it. All gone in a year. Then bankrupt within five years. A 19 year old in love with a controlling asshole is going to find herself broke and single very quickly. Technically you are in the wrong, but morally you did the right thing. I don't know any parent who would stand back and watch their child pile up money and set fire to it without intervening. Hopefully she will understand and by the tim
    via Emmers514
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